Oh, 2022.
Long time no see I guess? I honestly don’t even know where to start with this.
First off, I guess hello from Seattle? We finally got to Seattle, and maybe I’ll save that long journey for another day. But long story short, we arrived on Thanksgiving day and here we are! So much has happened since then, it seems like a lifetime ago.
I guess I’ll start from the top. A few days after moving in, I started my job. Boxes everywhere, still chaotic, but when in head first. Aaaaaaaand I hated it. Absolutely despised my job. Could not get on board. The people were okay and nice and helpful, but I just couldn’t really stand the job. Although I was familiar with this field, it was more tech related, and no creativity was there. The hours were long too. I was getting emails from 6am to 6pm. After three days I was back to the job applications. But luckily, I got a few interviews fairly quickly, and fast forward a few weeks and got an offer. Maybe in the future I’ll give a more detailed account of how this all went down too.
Let’s set the scene and now it is Christmas eve. I get a call from my sister saying my dad isn’t doing too well. He has a bit of a shaky past when it comes to his health, so while this wasn’t completely shocking, I was most definitely nervous. This marked the first day of all of us begging him to go to the hospital.
My dad passed away on the 29th. It was horrible and awful. I woke up to missed calls and texts and immediately knew what had happened. Since it was the holidays and covid, and weather called for soooo many delayed flights, I wasn’t able to book anything until the 1st. Those days are all a blur. I honestly don’t really remember much besides straight crying. When I got back home to Seattle the following Monday, it honestly didn’t even feel like it had happened at all.
I think this past week or so has just been filled with a lot of shock, sadness, and confusion. There was no goodbye. There was no clarity, or logic behind any of it. I have always been so close with my dad. He worked night shifts, and always called me at 10:30PM on his break. Like clockwork. I have no clue how to keep going without hearing his voice or speaking with him ever again.
My new job started that following Friday. Everyone is really nice, and I think I’m going to like it it here. It has been a nice distraction these past few days. I just wish I could tell him about it. I think in a lot of ways I’m afraid that he might be disappointed in what he sees from up there in the sky. Maybe he thought I was funnier, smarter, braver, and better than I actually am. He was always my biggest cheerleader, and nobody made me feel like I could do anything I wanted more than him. I’m going to miss seeing myself through his lens.
While things are still so unbearable, and I’ve been crying every single day, I really just want to try my best. So far 2022 has taught me that life is short, and not to take the time you do have for granted. I want to follow this and make him proud. Maybe you guys can take this too. If you want to write a book, write it. If you want to cut your hair and color it pink, do it. Start a new spin class? Talk to that cute neighbor down the hall? Get down on one knee and propose to the love of your life? Do it.
Love you, dad.
xoxo Reb.
20 Something POV 